POTO Bloopers
by Snowpixie81
Summary: Bloopers from the 2005 movie that they didn't want us to see.  What actually happened behind the scenes?  Read and find out.


Disclaimer: POTO and the wonderful belong to their respective owners. I am just having a little fun with them.

Author's Notes: I don't know if anyone has done a smiliar fic like this one. If they have, please point me to it, I would love to read it. I haven't stolen this idea from anyone, so please don't kill me. All of this in here is my sordid imagination.

Warning: Please note, there will be extreme out of character on almost everyone's part. Also, you might find some crazy humor, character torture but nothing too extreme. Please don't flame me and tell me that the following person would never act like that, I KNOW that they won't, that's why this is a fan fiction. You can play with them however you like (big smile)

For all your Raoul fans out there, you might not see him in here too much. Not that I have anything against him, but I just don't plain like him. (takes out her Raoul voodoo doll and sticks more pins into it). Ahahahahaaa (maniacal laughter).

Please enjoy the fic.

* * *

The Phantom of the Opera: Bloopers and Deleted Scenes

Scene: Going through the mirror

Joel: "O.K. then, so Gerry you will turn that dial which will open the mirror so Emmy can walk through. Got it?"

Gerard Butler: (flashing him a big smile) "Of course. Turn the dial, pull Emmy through. Got it."

Joel: "Everyone in places. Quiet on the set and action!"

Background music starts and operatic voices fill the room. Christine is walking towards the mirror, with a dazed, doped out on too much drugs, expression on her face.

Phantom: "I am your angel of music. Come to me angel of music."

Christine extends her hand and steps up to the mirror.

Thud! Crash!

Emmy: "God dammit #!& son of a b!"

Emmy, after crashing into the mirror, has fallen on the floor on her butt and is seen rubbing her forehead, which has turned slightly red.

Joel: "CUT! Gerry, what happened? You were supposed to open the mirror for Christine, so she can walk through."

Gerry steps out from behind the mirror with an innocent expression on his face.

Gerry: "Sorry Joel. I was just about to open it up when I noticed in the back of the mirror, where I can see myself of course, that a strand of hair was out of place. I was fixing it and was just reaching for the dial when Emmy walked into the mirror."

He sends an apologetic smile towards Emmy, who is still sitting on the floor. Several people rush towards her, she holds out her hand to be picked up off the floor, when everyone just rushes by her and go up to Gerry.

Random Makeup Girl: "Are you o.k. Mr. Butler? Let me see to your hair."

Another Random Makeup Girl: "Is your mask still in place sir? I can fix it for you if it moved even the slightest centimeter."

Head of the makeup and hair department: "Do you want me to fire the person who did your hair sir? It can easily be arranged."

Gerry: (Obviously happy to be surrounded by his adoring public) "Oh no. That wouldn't be necessary. But thank you." (flashes a smile towards the manager.)

The manager, despite being over 60 years old, blushes deeply and starts giggling like a 6 year old school girl. Everyone eyes her suspiciously, and shift slightly away.

Joel: (incredulous look on his face, walks towards Emmy and helps her get up) "Go on, and put some ice on that, will you?"

Random Props Guy: "Do you want me to make the knob a little bigger Mr. Butler, so you can easily turn it?"

Joel shakes his head disgustingly and announces.

"Shooting will be cancelled for today, seeing how our lead actress has a slight injury. We will pick-up from the same spot tomorrow."

Gerry turns around, his cape flying behind him in all it's glory.

"I'll be in my dressing room practicing for tomorrow Joel. Call me if you need me."

He walks off with the horde following him like ducklings following their mother duck.

"Would you like some cold water sir?"

"How about some food? Do you want me to order steaks for you like last time?"

"Would you like……."

Joel shakes his head again and turns towards Andrew Lloyd Webber.

"Why me, Andrew? Why did you have to stick me in a production with hormonal teenagers and Scottish oaf of a front page model?"

Andrew: "Think what you like, but I know these kids are going to bring in the big bucks."

Joel is running a hand through his hair. Andrew chuckles slightly.

"Come on, I'll buy you a drink. Goodness knows you can use it."

Scene fades away.

* * *

Scene: In the Passageway.

They have gotten through the mirror scene successfully. And now they are filming the scene where phantom is leading Christine through the passageway to his lair. Phantom is leading Christine through the tunnel with weird golden arms holding the torches.

Christine: (singing) "That voice which calls to me and speaks m…..yeeeeowwwch!!"

One of the arms holding the torch has moved too enthusiastically, and has hit Emmy in the back of her head.

Emmy has stumbled over to Gerry, tripped over his cape, crash into him and brought them both down. Gerry is sprawled on the floor on his back, with an injured but very happy Emmy lying on top of him.

Emmy: "Hehehehe (insane giggles) sorry Gerry. You o.k?"

Gerry: "I'm o.k. love, what about you?" (feels the back of her head for a bump).

Emmy sighs happily and lays her head down on Gerry's chest.

Emmy: "I think I'm feeling a little dizzy. I'll be fine if I just lay like this for a while."

She breathes deeply again and nuzzles her head in Gerry's chest when hands reach out and pull her off of Gerry. She is pulled on her feet by the group and is shoved to the back.

Emmy: (indignantly) "Hey! Watch it!"

Gerry's fan club has come to the rescue again. They help him off the floor and check him for injuries.

Emmy: "Hey, I'm the one who got hit in the head, you know."

Her cry, obviously fallen on deaf ears, is completely ignored. She stomps her way over to Joel, who is talking sternly to a girl who has her entire arm painted gold and glittery.

Joel: (in a strained voice) "Tell me again, in clear precise words, what happened?"

Emmy: "Yeah. I'd like to know as well."

She folds her arm over her chest and glares at the girl. The girl, noticeably frightened out of her wits, whimpers at both the director and the lead actress' scrutiny.

Girl: "I'm….I'm….so…sorry sir, ma…madam. I just like this whole pr….pro…production so much. And this was the first time I got to be so…so close to Mr. Butler that my timing was a little off."

Joel, who has clearly heard enough, speaks through clenched teeth.

Joel: (in a dangerously low voice) "You're fired."

His voice is so dangerously low that even the girl couldn't hear him.

Girl: "Sir?"

Joel: "You're FIRED!"

His voice is so loud that everyone stops and stares at him. The poor girl, becoming so alarmed, has stumbled backwards and fallen on the floor.

Girl: "I want my MOMMY!"

She gets up and runs out, bawling at the top of her lungs.

Joel: (to Andrew) "Next time you hire people, could you make sure that they are of at least drinking age."

Andrew, who is clearly enjoying this way more than Joel, just laughs. Emmy is gingerly touching the back of her head to check the damage, when a cold compress is pressed there.

Gerry: (holding the compress) "Here love. I don't think there's any bumps, but this should help."

Emmy smiles up at Gerry and places her own hand on the compress, taking it from him.

Emmy: "Thank you." (sways slightly on the spot)

Gerry picks her up, in his strong manly arms.

Gerry: "Come lass. I'll take you to your room. You don't look fit to walk on your own."

Emmy sighs happily once again and places her head on Gerry's shoulder as they both walk off.

Joel is staring at their retreating back, shaking his head disgustingly. Andrew walks up behind him and lays a friendly hand on his shoulder.

Andrew: "How about those drinks again?"

Joel: "Amen to that. And this time, let's make it a triple shot."

Andrew laughs again and they both walk off in the opposite direction as Gerry and Emmy. Scene fades away.

* * *

Scene: Music of the Night.

They are now filming Music of the Night. The first few shots have gone surprisingly well, without any incidents. Joel, however, is sitting at the edge of his seat waiting for some unknown disaster.

They are at the part where phantom is not only seducing her with his voice, but is also touching her. Phantom goes around Christine and encircles her waist.

Phantom: (singing) "Touch me, trust me, savor each sensation."

He picks up her hand and brings it to the unmasked cheek. Christine's eyes close for a second, then they snap open as she exclaims.

"Okay!"

Christine then turns in Phantom's arms, jumps and wraps both arms around Phantom's neck and starts making out him passionately. Gerry is surprised at first but then quickly wraps his arms around Emmy and responds in the same manner. In their enthusiasm, they have both fallen backwards, but are continuing to make-out.

Every mouth at the shooting, except for Gerry and Emmy's, has dropped open. Everyone is staring in shock at the happily kissing couple.

Joel: "And there we have it folks."

He gestures at them with a wave of his hands.

Joel: "Cut! Cut!"

Both Emmy and Gerry get up off the floor, both supporting a healthy flush. Joel's left eye is twitching slightly, as he tells himself to calm down.

Joel: "Emmy darling. What happened?"

Emmy: (supporting a wide smile) "You tell me Joel. I was just following the script."

Joel: "Hunh?!" (surprised grunt) "Where in the script does it ask you to jump the Phantom and kiss the living daylights out of him?"

Emmy: "I'll go get my script so you can so for yourself."

She walks off and Joel turns to Gerry.

Joel: "You know this wasn't supposed to happen, so what happened?"

Gerry: (smiles widely and winks at Joel) "Just using my own artistic license."

Joel: (in a disbelieving tone) "Using your ……."

Joel strays off and just looks at him. Emmy comes back with her script and opens it to the music of the night page. She hands it over and Joel looks at it for a moment. He then closes his eyes and turns his head towards the ceiling.

Joel: (mumbles) "Oh Lord give me strength." (turns towards Emmy) "Emmy, my dear child, (speaks as if talking to a five-year old) you must have noticed that until this point the script you have been following has been typed and printed. Now, when you see that somebody had crossed off printed words and written on top of them with a purple pen, that means someone must have tampered with your script."

Emmy is looking at Joel, with wide innocent eyes.

Emmy: "But I thought that the writer's must have made a mistake that's why they crossed it out."

Joel: "No Honey, the writers didn't make a mistake. Their jobs depend on it. (looks dangerously off to the side, several people whimper at his look). You were supposed to follow as the printed words say."

Emmy: (Pouty) "But I liked the other one better. Can't we go with that one Joel?"

Joel stares at her for a few seconds.

Joel: "Hold on."

He walks over to Andrew and starts talking in low voices. You can tell whatever they are discussing is not good for you can see Joel's arm waving in air to illustrate God knows which points. Andrew is calmly nodding his head and seem to be consoling Joel. Andrew then walks over to the lead actors to speak with them about doing justice to the 'real thing'.

Joel turns towards the crew.

Joel: "Listen up everyone!" (everyone stops what they are doing and turn towards Joel) "Emmy's script has been tinkered with. Somebody added things to it that weren't supposed to be there, and by the clumsiness of the hand writing, I'd say it was done in a hurry. The culprit might still be around so we need to find him now."

There is a small commotion when everyone in the room drop what they were doing to find the intruders. Everyone is checking every nook and cranny of phantom's lair set when out from under the table, four people emerge and try to make for the door. Although how much ever they try to blend in, it's impossible for all four of them cuz they are all wearing black pants and black turtlenecks with the words "ErikxChristine Fan Club" printed on them with white. A woman screams and points at them.

"That's them! There they are."

The four teenage girls run like the wind towards the exit and disappear out the door with the security guys hot on their heels.

Joel orders everyone to get back to their stations and continue with whatever they were doing, as he patiently waits for the security guys to report to him. The two burly, security guys come back after ten minutes huffing and puffing and sweating profusely. While they are catching their breath, Andrew comes up to Joel.

Andrew: "Joel, I have explained to Emmy that we will be doing the scene as it is supposed to be done." (He turns to the security) "How's the situation with the intruders?"

Security Guy #1: "They got away Sir. We followed them for a while but they seemed to have disappeared."

Security Guy #2: "That's right Sir. It was really strange. We had them in our sight but as soon as we followed them around a corner, they had vanished. It was really strange."

Joel nods his head and dismisses them. He then turns towards Andrew.

Joel: "When all this is over, I am taking a long vacation. And guess who is going to be financing it?"

Andrew pats him on the shoulder as they both walk back to continue shooting the scene.

* * *

Scene: "Removing of the Mask"

They are now up to the scene where Christine walks up behind the Phantom and removes his mask.

Joel: "Action!"

Emmy is seen walking up to the Phantom sitting at the piano. Only the top of his head is showing.

Christine: (singing) "Whose is that face in the shadows? Who is that Man in the Mask?"

She walks up and removes the mask. She is immediately shoved back, as the phantom rises from the bench in a rage.

Emmy and the rest of the crew give an audible gasp when they take a good look at the Phantom. Instead of Gerard Butler, the actor in Phantom's clothes and wig is actually Will Ferrell. He has, what have obviously been hastily applied face pain, on the right side of his face. Joel is so shocked himself that he forgot to say cut, so the scene is proceeding.

Phantom/Will Ferrell: "Damn you! You little interfering hussy." (speaking in a high voice) "You wanted to see this, huh! Huh?! Well take a good long look." He walks up to the mirror, removes the cloth covering, adjusts his wig and rounds back up on Emmy. She is now whimpering on the floor.

"Curse you. You do not touch the mask. You hear me. Never touch the mask. For I am the Phantom, and I will bring my wrath down upon you."

Emmy's eyes are quickly being filled with tears. She hastily reaches for the mask, grabs it and throws it to Phantom. She then gets up and runs to Joel and hides behind his back.

Joel has seen enough for Will is now posing in front of the piano with his hands on his hips and his head titled up to one side. If he was wearing a cape, it would be flying behind him. Joel calmly hands Emmy to Andrew.

Joel: "Cut! Will, what do you think you are doing? When you requested to come and see the shooting I only agreed because I know you would appreciate it from an actor's point of view. I didn't know you had this (gestures wildly with his hands) in mind."

Will: "Oh, come on Joel. I just wanted to show you how well I would fit as the Phantom of the Oprah."

Andrew: "Opera."

Will: "Yeah, that's what I said. So, what do you say, you wanna fire that goofball and put me in as the Phantom?"

Joel: "I am very close to shooting myself here. And speaking of goofb… I mean Gerry, what did you do to him?" (glares at him ominously)

Will: "Oh don't worry about him, heheheheee (chuckles evilly). I took real good care of him. Hahahahaaa." (loud maniacal laughter)

Joel continues to stare at him.

Will: "He's in his dressing room passed out drunk. Couldn't even hold his liquor down in a drinking match. Some Irish, huh!"

Andrew: "Scottish."

Joel: "Shooting is cancelled, yet again. I'm going to need a paramedic in Gerry's room to try and revive him. Emmy, do to your room and play with your dolls or whatever it is you do to calm yourself down. We'll resume tomorrow with the real cast."

Everyone is dismissed. Will is talking with Andrew.

Will: "O.K. I understand that I can't be cast for this one. But how's about making a sequel? 'Revenge of the Phantom' or how about 'The Phantom Strikes Back'."

Andrew: (nodding his head) "You have some brilliant ideas. I'll have to run them by Joel, but I think you are on to something here. How about……"

Their voices trail off as they walk away. Joel is staring disbelievingly at the spot where the two were standing, having heard a bit of their conversation.

Joel: "Sequel, eh! They'll have to catch me first. I'll get a restraining order on both of them, if I have to."

He walks away in the other direction as Andrew and Will. Scene fades away.

* * *

Scene: At the Graveyard.

Christine is sitting in front of her father's grave. Phantom is hypnotizing her yet again. Raoul comes galloping on his horse to try and save Christine.

Raoul: "Christine NO! Stop, that is not your father."

He pushes Christine behind him as Phantom jumps down.

Joel, Emmy and Patrick say in unison.

"Oh no, not again."

Once again, it's Will Ferrell dressed as the Phantom. This time he's not wearing the wig, so his curly light brown hair are obvious to everyone.

Will as the Phantom draws out his sword.

Will: "Oh yeah, you want some of this, huh!" (waves the sword in front of Patrick)

Patrick strikes the sword in Will's hand and it goes flying. Will puts both hands up and tilts his head.

Will: "Oh. Oh so that's the way you wanna play pretty boy. Let's go. I don't even need the sword. I can still kick your ass with these lethal weapons."

He curls his hands into fists and starts jumping around in front of him, miming punching and ducking. Patrick is staring at him disbelievingly.

Will: "Come on. Just you and me. Mano a mano."

He then straightens up.

Will: "Nah. I'm not too happy with that shot. Can we do this again Joel? I think I can appear much more menacing if I can wave my cape around more."

He twirls the cape around himself and it gets twisted in his arms. He tries to free himself by turning around, only to get tied up even more.

Will: "O.K. I see how this could go wrong." (still trying to free himself) "A little help here." (asks Patrick)

Patrick nods and drops his sword. He had been frozen on the spot, watching Will's antics. Emmy had, long before, ran over to hide behind Andrew. Patrick quickly reaches forward and tries to help the struggling man.

Will: "Oh no. This way." (turns around to get untangled)

Patrick: "Hold still. The cape is twisted under your elbow." (avoids a flying hand from connecting to his face) "Would you just…."

While the two are trying to get one of them free, Joel is seen turning towards the crew.

Joel: (yelling) "Did I not give specific instructions that this man is to be kept away from shooting site?"

All the employees are whimpering and refusing to meet his glare.

Joel: "Well, don't just stand there. Answer me!"

One brave wardrobe girl steps forward.

Girl: "Sir, none of us know how Mr. Ferrell got here. We didn't see him in wardrobe or makeup. We have no idea how he could have sneaked back in."

Joel: "Hmm. No matter. I'll ask him myself. Could someone go and check on Gerry? See if he needs his stomach pumped again."

"Well, I say he's pretty good at this, don't you?"

Joel, startled, looks to his left where Gerry is standing, holding a tall glass of champagne. Joel grabs the glass from Gerry and throws it away. He then grabs onto Gerry's shoulders and shakes him lightly, much to Gerry's annoyance.

Joel: "Tell me honestly. How much of those drinks have you had? Do you need to sit down? Do you want to see a doctor?"

Gerry: (bewildered) "Take it easy Joel. I'm fine. That was my first glass actually that you threw away." (glares at Joel)

Joel: (skeptically) "But didn't that idiot (points at Will and Patrick's direction who are still trying to get the cape off of him) tie you to a chair and force drinks down your throat?"

Gerry: (laughing) "Oh no, not at all. I asked him to fill in for me actually." (at Joel's shocked expression he explains further) "Well, he's already played the part of Phantom before, and I thought he could be perfect for this scene as my stand-in. And well you don't see much of the Phantom in this and I didn't want to jump down from the rood and do the whole sword fighting scene. What if I get injured?" (Gerry pouts)

Joel's eye has started twitching again. He opens his mouth to say something when a black blur with lots of hair zooms past him and attaches itself to Gerry.

Emmy: (hugging Gerry around the middle) "Oh, I was so worried about you Gerry. That bad man is back and I thought he might have done something horrible to you again."

Gerry, loving the attention, hugs Emmy back.

Gerry: "Now now love, hush. See I'm perfectly fine. I actually asked Will to fill in for me for a while."

Emmy picks up her head and looks at him.

Emmy: "Oh really. I didn't know we were allowed to do that. But if you say so, I'm sure it's o.k."

She nuzzles her head happily in Gerry's chest, both completely ignoring their spluttering director. They also don't notice when he walks away, shaking his head in disgust.

Joel walks up to Andrew.

Joel: "Could you just put me out of my misery and fire me. I can't take it anymore. You can even keep the check. (looks at Will and Patrick) Matter of fact, I'll pay you to let me off the hook. What do you say, huh?"

Andrew only laughs again and shakes his head. The scene fades away with Will and Patrick's voices, still trying to get him free.

* * *

Scene: Unmasking at the Bridge

They are now filming the scene where Don Juan Triumphant is taking place. The stage is set and hundreds of extras are there dressed in lavish ball gowns and tuxedos to fill the theater. They are about to shoot the part when Christine and the Phantom walk towards each other on the bridge and then Christine unmasks the Phantom. The whole scene has gone on without any incidents so far.

The phantom is now singing softly to her as Christine reaches for the mask.

Phantom: "Christine, That's all I ask………."

At that point Christine snatches the mask off the Phantom's face. As soon as the Phantom is revealed, several screams fill the theater, including Joel's. For this time, it is Gerry, but it's Gerry without his scar makeup on.

Gerry turns towards the bridge, his face visible to everyone in the auditorium, and flashes a smile.

Several more high pitched screams fill the air as flashes go off.

The intruders from before have snuck in again as extras, and have hidden cameras in their many folds of clothing.

Phangirl #1: "Did you take a good shot? Tell me you were about to zoom in and capture his face?"

Phangirl #2: (clicking away madly at her digital camera) "I'm getting as many as I can, don't worry."

Phangirl #3: (clicking away on her disposable camera) "Why did I forgot mine at home and had to buy this piece of crap?" (glares at her cardboard camera but then puts it back on her eye to continue capturing)

Phangirl #4: (in charge of lookout) "Guys, I think we better haul ass. I see our friends from earlier haven't forgotten us."

All four of them see that the two burly security guys from before are quickly making their way over to them. They all shed their costumes, revealing the same black attire from before, and run for the exit. Once again, they quickly disappear out the door.

Up on stage, Joel is having a heated conversation with Gerry.

Joel: "I don't understand why you were not in full make-up, when the scene specifically requires that of you?"

Gerry: "Come on Joe, you try sitting on that makeup chair for nine hours and see how much you like it? Anyway, I thought it would get a better reaction from the viewers if they see that the Phantom isn't scarred at all. He is a healthy, completely normal man, just misunderstood. Huh! What do you think of that?"

He wriggles his eyebrows at Joel.

Joel very calmly turns towards the security guys, who have come back after their failed chasing of the girls.

Joel: "Could you two please escort Mr. Butler here to the makeup room. Make sure he stays there for the duration of the entire makeup. Tie him to the chair if you have to, but do not let him leave."

The two guys walk towards Gerry, who is slowly backing up. Although a tall, toned guy himself, he is no match for the six foot seven mountains of meat.

They both grab each of Gerry's arms and take him offstage towards the back.

You can hear Gerry pleading with them, bribing them money and tickets to shows, to let him go. His voice fades away, as Joel walks up to Andrew.

Joel: (staring at Andrew ominously) "You are really enjoying all this, aren't you?"

Andrew just smiles and shakes his head.

Andrew: "Just look at it this way. Just a few more weeks, and all this will be behind you."

Joel: "Still a few more weeks to go, where so much can still go wrong."

Visibly shivers at the thought of what could be coming up next.

Andrew: "Well, seeing as we have about nine hours on our hands while Gerry is getting his makeup done, why don't we go and relax."

Joel: "Yes. And I can check the classifieds for any other job openings that might be coming up. I don't think I need all of this in my old age. I might die from an early heart attack."

Andrew laughs out loud, and they both walk away. Scene fades.

* * *

The End.

Author's Notes: Well, what did you guys think? I made Andrew like this because I felt that if I were in his position, and all of this was happening, I would really enjoy it too. Also, I did warn you about the out of character-ness. So, please let me know what you think of my feeble effort, I would appreciate any feedback. Bye.


End file.
